Strange Impulses
by Phoenixica24
Summary: Severus is up late one snowy night and for some reason unknown to even himself, begins to give in to every little whim. Could something be controlling him? Written for the Hogwarts Online II forum Professor Monse's homework prompt "Midnight Cravings".
1. Chapter 1: Strange Impulses

Strange Impulses:

Wind whistled around the windows. Snow blurred the images of what lay outside. All that could be known was that it was cold and windy.

Inside was nice, dry, and warm. The air was still and silent except for the crackling of the flames, pages turning, and the scratching of a quill.

Firelight flickered lazily across the walls as Severus Snape glanced up from his work. His stomach rumbled, and he suddenly realized he'd been grading for five whole hours straight. Normally he wouldn't give in to such midnight cravings, but tonight he went to the kitchens to get something to eat.

Almost immediately, several house-elves ran up to him. He never went in the kitchens if he could help it, the poor things in slavery reminded him too much of the deeds he himself had done in the name of the Dark Lord. He couldn't stand slavery.

He stated his request in a quiet voice, and several of the elves ran off to fetch food and drink before the rest steered him towards a seat in front of the roaring fire. Once he was seated, the others returned with fruit and firewhisky.

As he sat in front of the fire, he again had this odd urge to do something. He summoned parchment and a quill, before sitting and staring blankly at it. _What am I doing?_

Almost before he knew it, the page was covered in writing.

_A flower wilting,_

_A shadow passing,_

_they stop to speak,_

_and so we began._

_You were the light _

_in my life,_

_you were all that was bright_

_in my eyes._

_I still wonder why you chose him over me,_

_I still wonder what we could be._

_I wish I had not said those things,_

_I wish you could have seen past my mistakes _

_and seen my sorrow._

_I wish I had earned your forgiveness before it was too late._

_To see you with him,_

_burned a hole in my heart._

_A hole that has never healed._

_Will never heal._

_I loved you with all my heart,_

_why couldn't you see that?_

_I wish I could apologize still,_

_would you have believed me if I did?_

_Forgiven me if I had?_

_I look at your boy,_

_him, with your eyes,_

_and see you looking right back at me._

_I look at your son,_

_and wish he was mine._

_He should be mine._

_We should have been us._

_I'm sorry, Lily..._

Sitting back and looking it over, he realized how much better and lighter he felt. Like he'd dropped a load...lifted a weight off his shoulders. All of it was true. He'd loved Lily until the end. Now there was nothing he could do. He'd apologized over and over, and she had refused to forgive him.

The last two verses scared him. Other than the fact he'd written anything resembling poetry at all, wishing Harry was his son seemed a bit extreme, even to him, the author of those lines!

_Severus Tobias Snape, an author..._ he snorted. _Who in their right mind would believe that?_

Thinking about it, it was true. Lily should have been his therefore her children, or child, should have been his. If she had been his, she could still be alive, Harry might even have had siblings!

_Oh, lord, more Harrys in the world...Not a good idea._

Then again, if he were Severus' son, he would be different. Everything would be different. Severus sat and pondered how that would have affected the Wizarding world until the clock chimed three in the morning. He jumped, startled, and sighed. Tomorrow would be a long day.

Yawning as he headed to his chambers, he wondered briefly how others, mainly Potter himself, would react to all that had happened tonight. Snorting quietly to himself, he quickly dismissed the silly notion of telling anyone. After all, the strange impulses he'd had tonight were only a one-time thing.

Severus opened his eyes blearily to find that, for the first time since Lily had died, he'd actually overslept for once.

_Of all days...!_

Hurrying to his wardrobe, he hastily pulled on some clothes as a timid knock sounded at the door. That damned fool Potter would get himself a detention on a Saturday morning! And of course since Severus was the only staff member who never had problems getting up early, they assigned the brat to him!

"Come in!" he snarled in the general direction of the door.

He heard the door open and close quietly. _Do I really scare the brat that much?_ He wondered briefly. _Would I have made as good of a father as I would like to think? Or would I have been like my father?_ He shuddered. _No. Lily would never have let me...and I promised myself I never would._

He stepped out to his office, not knowing that his strange impulses would follow him, nor that his life was about to change forever.

**A/N: Thanks to my beta Dest for going over this so last minute! Awesome job!**

**This was written for Professor Monse's homework on Hogwarts Online II Forum, prompt 'Midnight Cravings'.**

**Thank you for reading and please review! -May be continued with enough support- -hint hint-**


	2. Chapter 2: What Changed?

**A/N: Dedicated to my beta Azzie(Inkfire)!  
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Strange Impulses:

Chapter Two: What Changed?

Severus stepped out of his office to find the Potter brat waiting miserably by the door. A sudden urge to say something reassuring to the boy nearly overwhelmed him, and he had to shake his head sharply to get rid of the notion.

_What happened to me last night? What changed?_

"Come here." he ordered the boy, hardly knowing what he was saying or why. Potter shuffled closer, now looking confused as well as scared.

"Look at me." _What am I saying?_

Potter looked up, trembling as he met the feared Potions Master's gaze. But something in their depths stopped him from looking away. Something had changed. The usual boiling hatred wasn't there anymore. Instead, he saw something like...compassion. As if his professor actually, in that moment, cared about him, his well-being, his happiness.

_What happened to him? He was fine last night. What changed?_

"Erm...Professor?" He didn't really expect a reply, nor did he get one. Well, he wasn't surprised.

"Professor...are...are you...okay?" he asked hesitantly.

Snape blinked, and the intensity in his gaze was gone, but the strange sense of compassion was still there. "I am fine, Potter. You should be more concerned about yourself."

That sounded more like the Potions Master they were both familiar with. Both breathed a sigh of relief. Neither of them knew what had changed, but it scared both of them.


	3. Chapter 3: Detention

**A/N: Thanks to my beta Azzie for looking this over so quickly! Also, thanks to anyone still reading this story for not giving up on me! :)**

Strange Impulses:

Chapter Three: Detention:

The harsh sounds of a teenage boy scrubbing cauldrons filled the room until Severus wanted to rip his ears off. Most students wouldn't believe him if he told them, but he hated detentions. Especially when they involved scrubbing cauldrons. Although it was admittedly better than doing the hateful chore himself, the smell and sounds that accompanied, including the insistent whining and girly perfumes, drove him mad.

"Potter!" he snapped harshly. The sounds stopped, although the acidic smell of the cleaning solution lingered.

"Professor?" came a small voice.

"You're done. Get out of here." The foolish boy just stood there staring at him with his jaw hanging. "Put your face back together and go!" The boy dropped the sponge and bolted. Severus sighed and waved his wand, rearranging the room and dispelling the awful scent.

Not even four hours later, Albus stood in front of the Potions Master's desk. "Are you ill?"

"No."

"Depressed?"

"No."  
>"Then what on Earth happened?"<p>

"I let Potter out of detention early. He was too annoying to handle."

"Severus. I do not appreciate being lied to by my own staff."

"What makes you think I'm lying?"

Albus fell silent. "It's just so unlike you." he finally offered. Severus snorted derisively.

"People change, Albus." he said wearily, surprised by his own words. The headmaster remained silent for a few more minutes, then stood.

"In this case, I am grateful." he said, disappearing through the Floo back to his own quarters.


End file.
